your thong is hanging out like whoa
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
