I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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