dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
