Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
