By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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