Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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