if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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