the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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