Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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