The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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