Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
