Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just high enough for therapy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
