Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Randomize
