Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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