i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize
