his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
