Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I will pee on everything he values.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize