i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
