The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
