My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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