So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
