one two three fourrrrnication!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
