When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize