i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
