hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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