He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
