Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I understand Curling. That high.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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