Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
