This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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