just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize