Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
