Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
