you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
