I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
