Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So much rum. So many feels.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
