No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
