the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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