I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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