i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize