this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
