i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
