she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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