btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
