Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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