I want you more than these girls want KFC
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
