Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize