The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
