Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
