I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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