I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
