his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
