But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i love accidental penises.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
