i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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