yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
