Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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