Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
