Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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