if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
