And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
