so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
