woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
