proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
