the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
