You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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