Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
