Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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