Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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