I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
