I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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