Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
