I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
