1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
