His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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